A whiny, embarrassing (I'd like to say "anguished") entry about being single.

2004-09-08 - 4:25 p.m.

Okay, like seriously? This single thing is bugging me more than I thought right now.

Also, I wanted a family, and now, to get one, I've got another billion years of socialising, dating, dating some more, forcing some poor sap to learn to put up with my quirks (I've decided that I can't spell idiosyncrasies, so why bother trying), building careers, getting a dog...all this before getting a kid. And I have to do all that with someone who, right now, is a complete stranger because I haven't met him yet.

And there's more angst.

Like, why would anyone decent want to date me?! I think I'm a great guy, but I can be infuriating. I don't think I'm ever going to outgrow my worst personality traits, and I'm not even sure I want to. I'm not even sure what they are.

But I don't go out and meet people. When I do go out, I rarely talk to strangers. I'm sick of sex, in the sense that I can't summon the will to work for it, and I don't want to go through the dozens of bad dates that I'll need before finding a good one.

It just seems easier to give up the whole being a dad thing and just....making other plans.

I really want/wanted to be a dad, one day.

I think I'm going to go have a good cry. Because my biological clock, apparently, is ticking.

Cheers,

The Magus

previous - next