Troubled

2004-07-06 - 8:35 a.m.

Had a hard time getting up to day, in part because I always forget that deadlift day is my favourite only after I've done the deadlifts.

The other part was that I woke up to another "accidental alcohol" dream, wherein I drank a sip of beer (gasp!) and really liked it and was about to go for a couple shooters.

I don't like these dreams. I seem to have even less control in them than usual...or rather, they all take place at the moment when I'm about to lose control. To get horribly over-dramatic, the moment that I take that first drink is probably the moment before my well-being takes a nose-dive. Crash and burn. At least, that's the subtext of the dreams.

I've been finding that I miss going to bars, going out, socialising. Not all the time, 'cause I still hate people (and I'm not too sure if they're all that good in theory), but bars are an easy social outlet. They require no preparation, no planning. You can just go into one and you're there. They're a great place to pick up, or at least flirt, and I'm really at a point where I want to try flirting again. I'll be really bad at it ("Hey baby, what's your sign?"), but that's okay. I just want to do it. And flirting in the supermarket just doesn't work for me.

I'll figure something out, I'm sure.

Anyway, despite the epic struggle to roll out of bed this morning, I did make it to the gym, and now I'm at work, and I'm feeling good.

I realised last night that I've been really abusive to myself in my head lately, and I really have got to stop that. No good will come of it.

Imaginary ice cream cones for everybody!

Cheers,

The Magus

PS: Blind Merv, you don't need to email me, but you DO need to update your diaryland diary or else I'll sic the hounds on you. Have a nice day!

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