Compliment

2004-05-14 - 8:57 a.m.

Wow. At the gym, one of the staff came up to me while I was in the middle of doing some deadlifts (yay!). I thought he was going to criticise my form, because this is the staff guy who does that: he helps people out, offers to spot, gives constructive criticism on form, makes suggestions.

I finished my set, and, with some trepidation, I waited for him to tell me my shoulders were too hunched or my legs weren't stable enough.

Instead, he said (in his Eastern-European accent): "You've been making really good progress the last few months. I noticed, and it's really good. You're doing really good." And he made a circle with his thumb and forefinger.

I didn't know what to say, so I just thanked him a couple of times and mumbled something about how it's been the diet.

He shook his head and said, "Diet and weights together. You're doing really good."

I thanked him again and realized that I was grinning like a fool.

I can officially no longer consider myself fat. I mean, I'm wearing "average-sized" pants now. I have a layer of fat that makes it impossible to see abs, and I'm kind of spare-tire-y in my lower back, hips, and rear, but that just makes me pretty much average.

I've been over-weight my entire life, pretty much, or at least have thought of myself as over-weight. This is going to take some serious processing. I'm incredibly happy, but I'm realising that I'm scared, too...I can see some part of me keeping the idea of "Fat Magus", long after it's no longer needed. I guess even a negative self-image, one that you work hard to get rid of, can become a crutch if you hold onto it long enough.

Here's to tossing away the crutches and walking on my own.

Cheers,

The Magus

previous - next