Love Letter

2003-02-20 - 4:01 a.m.

Pookie stopped by work today, but he couldn't stay, since there was workly supervision. He did stay for a few minutes, and when he left I think I was heartbroken for the next thirty minutes. I guess I still am.

Heartbroken just because I miss him...we see each other maybe 30 minutes a day, and we're supposed to be living together. The most private time we've had this month has happened in bathrooms or in the bedroom with the door closed and the white-noise generator on, but still able to hear Eli in the next room.

And Pookie seems sad. I know he's been upset lately, and I'm completely unable to help. A lot of it is his stuff to deal with - stress about school, money, and people - and so anything I do feels superficial, at best.

I don't say it enough, but I love that man. I wish everyone could see how loving he is. He honestly is the kindest human being I know...with one notable exception, I have never seen him intentionally try to hurt anything or anyone. There is no pettiness to him, no desire to bring people down. He has never told a joke about someone to make fun of them, and doesn't let others do it in his presence.

Pookie is one of those rare people who wants, more than anything, to see all of us be elevated, for every human being to stand as equals in dignity and, well, splendour. He doesn't work to bring people down, he wants us all lifted up, each of us in our own way.

It's this, more than any other quality that he has, that draws me to him, I think. He has the capacity to love every single being. He doesn't really know what a bad person is: he will find the best in anyone.

I also love his eyes, and his expressive, handsome face, and his intelligence and insight, and his wisdom. And I love how he's come through dark places, and may live through more dark places, but that he struggles for the light. I love his sense of humour, because I need to laugh, and I love that he makes me laugh -with- the world, not at it. I love listening to him sleep, and I love seeing him with the cat, and I love hearing him talk on the phone. I love the shape of his hands, and his head, and his penis. I love his faith in God, and in life. I love that he is a peacemaker. I love that we are incapable of fully bullshitting each other.

I guess this has become a love letter.

Cheers,

The Magus

previous - next