Obligatory Angst Entry

2002-10-29 - 4:40 a.m.

I am feeling low.

It's the hibernation setting in.

I don't want to do anything productive, which has Pookie just about ready to toss me out on my kiester (did I spell that right?).

What I want is to huddle in a blanket, in bed, with a book, for hours and hours and hours and never have to leave. Preferably with no other human in the house. Preferably with the phone completely silent, muted, or unplugged.

It's not that I get a lot of phone calls, but Pookie does, and I learned a couple years ago that when the phone rings, it's bad. Collections agencies, utility companies, work 'cause someone's sick, parents wondering if I died, friends wondering if I died, Pookie to remind me about something that I had to do...

When I feel like this, the phone sounds -exactly- like fingernails on a chalkboard. I mentally project "no one's here, go away." A knock on a neighbour's door causes me to freeze, like a rodent sensing a predator. I sit there, eyes wide, waiting...is it a knock on -my- door? Who is it? Go away go away go away.

And when I feel like this, I get so frustrated. I'm like a baby, wanting to throw a temper tantrum. I hate feeling like this, I hate that tingling nervousness that settles at the bottom of my lungs. I hate having to remind myself that it's just the seasons changing, that I'll be fine, that I just need to occupy myself with the simple, ordinary tasks that normal people complete day in and day out all over the world.

It's a health card. Just go in, present identification, provide mailing address, leave.

I can't expect other people to understand how difficult those things are to do, because I can't even understand it.

There. Angst. You had it coming.

Next up: "Six Degrees of Bin Laden," where I explain the rules of the game: take any violent act anywhere in the world and link it to al Qaida in 6 connections or less. The US has already started doing it (ie, sniper, Chechnya terrorists), you can too!

Cheers,

The Magus

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