Perfunctory Entry #6: September 11th

2002-09-11 - 4:28 a.m.

It's September 11th, and I don't know what to write.

I'm angry at quite a lot of things, among them is the feeling that I -must- commemorate this day. I would have anyway, at least in a personal way. I've been keeping a lot of this personal anyway, even though I am one of those who cannot claim to have been directly affected. I've been avoiding much of the mainstream news, and since we now have digital cable, I've been able to spot the "9/11" specials that have been airing for the last week without having to actually see even the tiniest bit of them.

I find a lot of this to be crass. I've been overcome by a wave of cynicism. I'm mostly certain that wall street only closed last year because they knew the market would crash if they were open, certainly not out of any respect for their co-workers, for the victims.

I find a lot of it frankly offensive. Yahoo's main page, done in shades of grey, does not strike me as particularly respectful, it strikes me as pandering, as snide.

I'm terribly, terribly upset with my society, with how we deal with things, with everything we do. Everything I'm hearing is making me feel completely frustrated. How can any activist movement compete with such a complete and powerful media wash-out? How can any individual compete with such a flood of propaganda?

I'm feeling completely dispirited, and am almost hoping for another tragedy, if only to -try- to shake people out of their comfortable positions. Because everything, all the media circus, the calls for a day of mourning, the show is meant to keep us dulled to the rest of the world. American planes will not stop patroling mid-east no-fly-zones, soldiers will not stop their bombings or stop planning where to bomb. Terrorism won't stop because NBC calls for a day of 24 hour memorial shows.

I really hate feeling like this, and I'll have to blame it on the shorter days, the onset of fall, because to blame it on the obvious, that things aren't terribly likely to change anytime soon, certainly not before the world we know is forced to change drastically by some outside influence, that there is a perfectly likely chance that we've used up our chances: most species only get one shot to avoid extinction, you know, and we're fairly short-lived. To blame it on all that would be very close to admitting defeat, and if I'm going to keep fighting for something better, I have to know that there's a chance that it'll all be worth it. I can't lie down, because that isn't the right thing to do. It is a betrayal of everything that's important to me...but I really can't fight if there's no hope. I'm not a trooper. So, this feeling will be blamed on the weather, and sometime soon I'll cuddle up with Pookie and give him a hug and kiss, and whisper to him that I love him, and I'll close my eyes and wait for hope to spring back. It always does.

And it's a sure bet that my television won't be on today.

Cheers,

The Magus

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