Her issues, My responsibility

2002-08-08 - 1:16 p.m.

First of all, I'm gonna have to do some hardcore reading when I get back home...some diaries have formats that work perfectly fine on my computer at home, but are screwy here in Halifax. Also, I don't really have much time and feel like I'm over-using our hosts' computers.

Secondly, I was angry about stuff the other day, still am actually, but I've mellowed. I'm just hating the fact that my being gay is -always- going to be an issue. I have to keep in mind that people are watching me and Pookie, and that some of those people are watching us from a place of ignorance, fear, anger or hatred.

A conversation with the step-mom about why Pookie and I can't sleep in the same bed, on account of us being a monogamous, loving relationship for almost 4 years, almost became a firefight. Instead, we kept our heads and our cool (we make a kick-ass team) and it turned into an airing of the step-mom's ignorance, fear, anger, and homophobia.

I hate the fact that it comes back to us. Pookie and I have to be the ones to understand -her- issues, not the other way around. This is the way it works: if you aren't a part of society's norm, you have to do all the explaining and justifying of yourself. No one ever has to justify or explain their stupidity.

It angers me, because I'd like to live my life as if it were normal, because for me it is. Instead, I always have to worry about where I hold hands with a man, where we kiss, what we say, how we refer to each other, for cripes sake.

And I'd like to be able to throw it away, to say to the step-mom that if she can't get over me, then she can go screw herself, but she is the mother of my half-sister, she is the wife of my father, and so her attitudes come with the whole deal.

My dad's words about the same-room sleeping arangements? "I don't really have a problem with that." And he's just as confused and frightened and worried as the step-mom...but he's brave enough to try and grow beyond that.

So why does this woman, who I never chose to have in my life, who has no connection to me other than a legal contract, suddenly get to decide how my life is lived, even in that short span of time?

Because that's the way it is.

Woe is me, I guess.

Cheers,

The Magus

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