My Pope Rant

2002-07-27 - 11:53 a.m.

I have ambivalent feelings about the Catholics.

Ambivalent, in the meaning of very strong, very conflicting emotions.

This is new to me, and I'm not sure -why- I feel so strongly now. It's fueling my spate of antipathy towards humans (not humankind, of course...remember, good in theory), and this confuses and concerns me.

Part of it is that I have a (-n un-)healthy distrust of teenagers and youth. Especially when they're travelling in packs. From my experience, religious affiliation never stood in the way of good old fashioned picking on me.

Another part of it is that I've watched Pookie have to deal with his own ambivalence toward catholicism. He believes, very strongly, in the whole "Catholic thing." But he also has been negatively impacted by it. His uncle, who was a priest, if alive today could have been involved in the recent Catholic scandals. Over the last three and a half years I've been witness to Pookie's recovery from the damage done when he was a child, and I've seen how the denial of his family has caused him to constantly question and doubt himself. He still struggles to seperate his faith in his God's love for him from the betrayal he suffered.

This frustrates me, because sometimes I wish he would just say to Hell with the church, and find a more loving sect... I grew up in a very secular church (United, for those in Canada and maybe the states...I've learned that 'United' sometimes means a -completely- different faith in some other countries), and had the advantage of listening to great ministers who always preached from the Church of Love (as opposed to Law). But I also know that Catholicism is important to Pookie, that to give it up would be to give up his faith altogether. I think there's a truism that a Catholic is always a catholic. Except worded better.

I don't trust the Pope, and I don't trust the decrees of his Church...The birth control thing, the abortion thing, the homosexuality thing...God isn't a conservative.

Blind Merv once told me about a catholic service in our hometown where the priest condemned homsexuals to Hell. I guess it's tough to have faith in something that condemns one to hell. Call me old fashioned.

The ambivalence comes from the fact that I -know- there are catholics out there who are trying to keep their faith while acknowledging that they live in a dynamic world. My dad is catholic, my best friend is catholic, my lover is catholic...and all of them have come to terms with my sexuality (and in one case, his own) and accepted me, have ackowledged that change is needed in the church...but I don't think any of them have ever wholly given up hope, either. And for these people, and people like them, I want the Pope's visit to be empowering. I want it to be powerful and wonderful, I want it to energize them.

Most of all, I want to believe that -all- faiths can be a part of something Good, that no matter your theism or atheism that everyone is a part of making the world better, that there's the same possibility of charity, of kindness, and of love in all of us.

Even in the Catholics.

Cheers,

The Magus

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