Cycles (or What I Really Feel About Magic)

2002-06-20 - 1:47 a.m.

So when Pookie asked me if I believed in magic, my answer was only truthful at the time.

I have a spirit guide, I think. I was closest to it in my first few years in university, and back then I -did- believe in magic. I believed anything could be possible, I even attempted my own spirit quest through meditation.

It seems a little silly to write this stuff down, especially since in the last few years I've started to hone myself into a worldly idealist, instead of an idealist on all fronts. I can believe in magic, I can believe in religious miracles, I can believe in making a difference in -this- world by physical acts. Only one of those, thanks.

But I also feel very much that I have a spiritual flow. I go by "agnostic" as a default setting, a quick and easy way to explain how I don't think there are any quick and easy answers. Or maybe everything is easy once you see it.

Anyway, so I spend a few months being really spiritual, I spend a few months being really literal. I go in waves, sine and cosine lines of personality.

I'm like this in a lot of ways...my mood follows a pattern, ranging from contentment to despair in a pattern that I believe can actually be followed...

All these little eb-and-flows, wax-and-wanings, for several threads of who I am, all bundling together to make a whole.

So, I don't believe in magic, but one day I might again. This cycle is important to me, crucial to who I am, something to be cherished.

Cheers,

The Magus

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