Ant-Lit Devil Cat

2002-06-06 - 12:29 a.m.

My cat hates literacy.

He violently hates anyone who reads, can read, knows someone who reads, or thinks about letters sometimes.

As far as he is concerned, people should only have three areas of knowledge: can openers, door opening, and the finer points of scratching behind the ears. Anything else is unnecessary and potentially dangerous.

To enforce his anti-reading agenda, he will sit on newspapers, sit on peoples' chests when they're reading a book in bed, hop on their laps if they're sitting, claw at papers if they have letters on them, and generally harrass literature in general. We have shredded newspaper all over our bathroom right now.

Since he was a stray cat before Pookie brought him in, I wonder if anyone ever taught him to read, or if maybe his aggression stems from his own insecurities about reading. Maybe, as a project for the weekend, I'll try to teach him the alphabet.

Or maybe not, because that would be silly.

The Magus

PS: My mom sent me an email about friendship with pooh bear illustrations, and also a message saying that I am her best friend. My friends may think I'm a little late coming to this conclusion, but I think my mom is losing it.

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