Why Vodka is Good.

2002-04-19 - 4:38 a.m.

I find myself being aggressively social and feeling damned annoying for it.

I think I'm just feeling a little desperate because of losing so many potential friends. (Officially 2, but how the hell do I react to that without losing more? Oh, and maintaining a sense of self? How does one handle a sense of outrage for no real reason whatsoever? Except for the suspicion that people have lost jobs for something that I would give up -life- for? Is there any way at all for people to absolve this? Because I know people who've been here longer than I have who've decided that 'railing against the machine' doesn't work anymore. And I've had four years to innure myself to stupid. stupid propoganda (patience is a virtue, but sometimes it's not enough...does that strike anyone else as a stupid and useless saying unless you want to maintain the status quo?) of course, this is all parenthetical. And drunk. And also not me. Because I am so totally screwed without this job.)

Okay, screw desperate. I'm feeling pissed off without a venue, without a voice. I'm feeling compromised even though I haven't done anything yet. I haven't even managed to make Sept 11th a part of my psyche yet. Let alone the Canadians who died because that other country bombed them. By accident.

Hey: message to employers: you can pretend to be dumb all you want, but there seems to be a problem. (I'm -not- just peeved because everyone who isn't a part of my department has left about thirty days after I learned their name)

I hope things can be resolved, because I'm dealing with a hell of a lot of cognitive dissonance right now.

And maybe, (to return to a theme) I just need some friends.

Cheers,

the Magus

Editted to add: And still...if you know where I can get pot please...please... -please- let me know.

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