Another Year, Another Novel

2003-11-24 - 8:46 a.m.

There's an idea floating around out there, and I think it's a good one, that to write a good novel, you need to write a few bad ones.

If that idea is true, then I've just written another step towards being a published author.

Today I finished my fourth novel, and I kinda think that it's the best...or, it will be once I get some major editing and rewriting into it.

The great thing about Nanowrimo is that it always reminds me just how much writing makes me happy. It's the only thing I've ever discovered that makes me consistently happy. Even on the days when I hate everything I've written, when every word is hard, and when I just want to quit and it feels like work...even on those days I finish feeling like I've done something, like I've produced something. It's the only work that I know of that I can sweat over with a smile on my face.

I was going to write an entry about drinking (it's been 8 weeks since my last), and about how the last time I quit drinking, about a year ago, for 3 weeks, I started again because I was at a low point, because I was feeling self-destructive, that it was a conscious decision I made to make myself and my life worse.

The entry that I was going to write was probably going to be broody and a little moody, but it's something I've been thinking about for a while, because I feel like the only way I can go back to drinking right now is to be in that miserable head space again.

I know that it's possible for me to go there - I don't think I'll ever lose my ability of self-hate - but right now, I'm sitting back and feeling accomplishment, feeling good, and even better, I'm feeling content, which is my all-time favourite emotion (it's been my favourite emotion since I was a teenager and became aware of it in myself - it's a sort of aware and relaxed state of happiness...maybe like we're supposed to think Buddha feels).

The world is good to me, and I hope it's being good to all of you.

Cheers,

The Magus

previous - next