Envelope please. And the whiner is....

2003-04-22 - 7:25 a.m.

I'm quite disappointed with that last entry, but it's pretty much how I'm feeling right now.

This job is the worst possible thing for me, with the exception of not being able to pay rent, bills, and buy food.

I've spent the last hour here on the verge of tears. I mean, that's not normal. It's been a relatively quiet night, but I feel so frustrated.

I remember that one of my most hated games as a child was "operation", that one where you have to use pincers to pick out bones from a "patient," but if you touched the sides of where the bones are there'd be a loud, more-annoying-than-younger-siblings buzz that set my teeth on edge. I hated this game because I wanted to be a doctor, but I was so -bad- at it. Whenever I played it, I'd get this stomach-clenching sick feeling - the physical manifestation of my frustration.

I'm feeling exactly like that right now, except this is one game that I can't put away just yet.

But I -hate- the person I am these days! I'm -mean- to people, I'm easily hurt by people, I feel like I'm actively trying to push society away and a huge part of me dislikes everyone.

I wrote an entry a little while ago that I had passed a benchmark in my working here, that I felt that my time was up, that there will be a life after working here, and I'm feeling very strongly that if nothing changes, I am going to leave.

But what can change?

When I'm reincarnated, I hope I get to be a puppy in a family that loves and cares for me.

Damn. I think I've gone and lost the happy-go-lucky magus. Pardon me while I try to find him.

Cheers,

The Magus

PS: Entries I meant to write tonight but got replaced by this tripe:

Where has my thesis statement gone?
Why do I need to buy a car?
Happy Earth Day everyone.
Goodbye Nina Simone.
Anxieties of a future editor.

Meh.

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