Conflict.

2002-07-17 - 4:57 p.m.

And so, here I am on virtually no sleep with a dilemma.

I want to go to this meeting tonight. I emailed new Psuedo-friend, who invited me out in a social fashion on the weekend which I didn't attend, and told him that I would be there.

Wow. I actually want to be social. Maybe the whole protest thing has started a process that will snowball, gaining momentum and mass, eventually culminating in me becoming Homecoming Queen!

Or, more likely, I'll stop calling, writing, speaking for weeks on end after I'm done with this cycle of my life.

Anyway, so, tired. Pookie and friend materialized, have gone out for beer with our one and only pair of shorts.

So: pros for going to meeting are - I will spend time with a potential new friend, expand my social sphere, and do something helpful for the world.

Cons are - I will be tired and more tired, will have to wear jeans on a Heat Emergency day.

The heart of agorophobia is comfort, maybe. My comfort zones are just a little more restricted, a little more demanding than some other peoples'. These battles are about risk and leaving where I feel safe, and settling for what makes me feel good now instead of doing what will make me feel good later.

Okay, that was a test phrase. It isn't entirely true, but it defines -this- conflict fairly well.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Cheers,

The Magus

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