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I Have Agoraphobia! See my Agoraphobia!

Tenacious D Rocks.

Can't Sleep, Again.

2005-01-25 - 2:49 a.m.

Ah, insomnia, good friend to blog voyeurs the world over...

The interview was a pile of meh. I didn't feel like I really connected with the interviewer guy, and I fumbled a few questions that I really should have done better at ("When have you shown leadership?" "Um...when I...uh...led...uh people in doing...uhh...stuff?") At one point he asked me to give him an example of something good I did and my mind froze. I sort of mumbled something like "Gee, there are so many times to choose from..." and then told a lame story about a customer at my old grocery store that was too boring to be made up, except it was. Also, my old workplace has a name similar to "Giant Gay Press Which Is Gay and Also Homosexual In A Gay Way!" which he sort of stumbled over while reading my application, but he didn't stumble over it enough for me to think there's any "big" homophobia there at all, so I can't fantasize about suing his ass for discrimination. Meh.

My entry into the sour grapes category: if I got the job, I'd have to go clean shaven. Boo clean shaven Magus!

I'm coming onto 4 months of being unemployed, and I have no idea how it's been this long. I hate being unemployed, and I hate the fact that everyone has advice for what to do when you're unemployed, because every conversation I have with anyone turns to that now. Every conversation. And each time that someone has a completely valid suggestion about what I should be doing, I hate them, just a little bit. Even though they're well-meaning, and the damage is entirely mine, and it's a human and caring reaction to offer solutions to problems that a friend is having.

Anyway, aside from the insomnia and the not having a job and the constant feeling like the emotional ground is going to give out under me (it feels like my brain is living overtop a subway line where the trains never stop so the floor rumbles all night) and the sudden mood swings where I feel all sorts of old anger at everybody, from my old boss for being a bitch to kids who made fun of me in grade 7, I guess I'm doing okay.

I'm supposed to hear from the government about money before the week is out. I don't know what I'll do if the news is bad.

I can't see any happiness in that future, though, and that's pretty alarming.

Cheers,

The Magus

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