Bully for me!

2004-10-09 - 9:44 p.m.

Well, I'm going to give myself a C+ for today. I did a little bit of everything on the list, but I didn't really finish anything.

I'm supposed to be going to hang with rugby players, but I think I'm going to skip it. My last social excursion was painfully bad, in that I tried to tell a few jokes and no one got them. At all.

I don't really think of myself as a funny person, but most times when I make a joke, I can count on one or two people (if they like me) chuckling a bit. I get duds, where I have to explain my humour and end up forcing my audience to shake their heads and walk away, but it's rare for me to have a night of entirely bad jokes.

Anyway, this is just an excuse to justify my being a hermit for the day. I've spent entirely too much time with other people lately, and some alone time should be okay.

In other news, cherryaa gave me a link to a bullying information site. I was up until 3am last night reading that stuff. It was really helpful...I think I'd already figured most of that stuff out myself, just by watching what happened, but it was great to have words for all the patterns I'd seen.

In short, it appears that I was working under a "serial bully". A serial bully's Modus Operandi is to choose a target at a time and eventually, through small criticisms, nit-picking, and occassional humiliations, force that target out. Then, there's a 2-14 day period where things go back to "normal" and then the bully chooses the next target.

That completely describes how our workplace worked: every time reviews came up, you could count on there being one or two "bad" reviews, one or two employees who are suddenly holding the department back (according to the supervisors). These co-workers would always seem kind of stunned when they got tagged, because, really, there was usually nothing in their performance that made them any less than anyone else.

People leave that office in waves, every six months or so, either fired (half the time "without cause") or they quit. Sometimes working in that office felt like being a crab on a beach as the tide goes out: when the waves are there, you're safe from the gulls, but when the water rolls out you can only wait to see if you'll be pecked off. Bad analogy. I'll try harder next time.

I don't think I was the current target. I think that the supervisor's snapping at me a couple of weeks ago was random, could have happened to anyone. But I think I'd also reached the point where I realized I didn't want to wait around until I was the target. I mean, I spent a good ten years of my early life dealing with bullies. I've paid my dues. I don't need to wait until they come for my lunch money any more.

There are two stages to bullying, according to that site. The first is the bullying part, and the second is where the target finally realizes that they're being treated badly by someone who isn't rational, and after that point it's pretty much decided that the bullying will increase and the target will leave. It's an amazing point to realize that you're not dealing with a rational person. It takes your responsibility for the treatment out of your hands. The equation stops being "I did this so she will do X" and you realize that there's no cause and effect, so you're better off trying to change something else.

The funnest part of that site, though, is that apparently bullies choose their targets for a few common reasons: usually the target is a good worker, creative, independent, perceptive, charming, and very capable. The site's theory is that bullies are trying to hide their own weaknesses and insecurities, and so end up trying to eliminate anyone who might reveal the bully's flaws. I'm pretty sure I shouldn't take all those qualities to heart, but it was funny reading that and thinking "Yep, I am a good worker, creative, independent, perceptive, charming, and capable. And my supervisor is not at all. Ha ha!"

I'm still kind of stunned by how good I feel. I had no idea how much stress I was carrying from that place. The idea that I'm never going back there has me breaking out in random smiles.

Also, I just had a call from my first paying editing customer and she's going to send me some work to look at, to be done by Friday. It was the most awkward business conversation I've ever had, probably because it was my first, but I felt good about it. She says she also has a friend who might be interested as well. It won't be nearly enough to keep me fed or anything, but every bit helps, and I'm excited about making some money doing something that I actually enjoy doing.

Also? If I end up being self-employed, I know that I won't have to deal with any bullies.

Cheers,

The Magus

previous - next