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2004-10-07 - 8:37 a.m.

In addition to the angst, I get these moments where I realise that I won't be defined by this meeting, that nothing said today can hurt me in the long run. The worst thing I have to worry about is being misunderstood (which is, incidently, one of my biggest worries in general, that I'm this big incomprehensible cypher that has no internal logic and just wanders around bumping into things at random. I'm also afraid of being too simple and uncomplicated.). But, really, what does it matter if I'm misunderstood? Another 30 days at most and I'm outta here, right?

Wryly, Pookie's friend who I've recently realised has become my friend, too, loaned me a book called Foucault's Pendulum by Umberto Eco, and I've just started reading it. It's a dense book, and I'm only 3 chapters in, and I'm getting the feeling that the author really enjoys playing with language. He also enjoys going to a thesaurus and using every single synonym possible. I also can't decide if I like the narrator. There's a possibility that the narrator is half-crazy, and if that's the case I guess I like him. If the narrator is sane, however, he's a great big giant dick and I don't like him. Either way, according to the blurb, there are editors in this book and I'm not sure I've ever read fiction with editors as protagonists. I wasn't even sure it was possible.

Nanowrimo starts in less than a month, so I've been thinking about my book a lot. I've got some characters and some startling scenes in mind, and I think I've got a couple of themes in mind, too. Something about aloneness and society or something.

The meeting's at 3pm. It will be mediated by the founder of this company, a man who I've spoken with maybe half-a-dozen times, never more than a few words. I wonder how he'll feel if this turns into a great big giant bitch fight?

Oh, also, if I could maybe ask a favour, which is if people could send me unconditional love over the weekend, that would be great. I have a feeling my self-esteem will need the boost after today.

And, finally, my brother sent me an email to let me know that mom found his "I said no to drugs but they didn't listen" t-shirt that I gave to him for Christmas. My brother's worried that our crazy drug-addled lives of secrecy are about to be blown open. The horror.

Cheers,

The Magus

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