It all comes back to post-modernism

2003-06-12 - 7:40 a.m.

So, really, Halifax just doesn't feel like home anymore.

I, overall, am glad I went home, and I will again. Amongst the many good things about it was that I -finally- came out to my sister, who turns 11 in October, and she still loves me. Part of that is because she already knew (but would not divulge -how- she knew: Dad says that he and my stepmom told her, which is entirely possible. I'm just glad that I didn't have to witness that actual discussion). Another part of that is because I'm the best older brother ever. I buy her books for presents. Quality literature. This time, it was "A Wrinkle in Time" by Madeline L'Engle (I think I spelled that right). If you missed out on reading this book in your youth, read it now. Highly recommended.

Anyway, the downside was breaking into tears in front of those few friends I have who still live in Halifax.

I guess I feel like things have changed too much, and I don't like it. I'm "resistant to change" according to my abysmal review a few months ago, and that is valid criticism, I suppose, but knowing something and doing something about it are two completely different beasts.

The actual moment of breaking down into tears was when I was trying to explain how it felt to have my family look at me like I'm naive half the time. My friends tried to say that maybe they just thought I was idealistic. Either way, it's frustrating. I don't like being a 26-year-old idealist. Especially when I'm part of a generation that's been told it's comprised of cynics.

Gah. I'm completely exhausted, too exhausted to do this entry justice. I should have just gone with my initial instinct and written about the origin of my knuckle-cracking habit.

The summary of what I meant to write was that I feel like the ground's shifted. I feel a little lost, but this time it isn't my own beliefs that are uncertain, it's everyone else's reaction to my beliefs that I can't trust.

And a note about post-modernism: I think I'm past that. To be post-modern, you have to at least admit that there may be other perspectives and that they may be as valid as yours are. I lived in that place for a while, and it was nice, but I've grown. I now know that there are things that I'm right about and anyone who believes differently is wrong, wrong, wrong. Post-modernism is the refuge of the un-magus-y.

Cheers,

The Magus

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