Bearded

2002-09-19 - 5:35 a.m.

I just realised that for those of you who don't know me, you may not have realised that I have a beard. I know that when I imagine people I don't know, I usually don't picture them with a beard. But if they mention a beard, I suddenly find myself imagining them with a big, bushy Santa-claus or lumberjack-style beard. My beard is not like that.

In fact, it's more like a goatee with really long sideburns. I have a moustache, too, but I don't like dwelling on that.

The reason why I have facial hair is because, while I think the top half of my face is quite fetching, I don't like the bottom half. I have a moderate overbite, and don't like my chin. While I do have dimples, they are lopsided (one cheek is more deeply dimpled than the other) and I never really felt like they did anything for me.

I can grow facial hair moderately well (I've been practising since high school. The trick is to dream about your pores each night), and I think it suits me. For one thing, it is the same colour as my dark brown hair, except it has a touch more red in it, which I like, and am kind of proud of (you have to look -really- close, but there is red, darnit!). Also, it covers almost all of the parts of my face that I don't like, and helps to frame the parts I do like. My deep, thoughtful, beautiful brown eyes, for example.

The thing is, while I have had either a goatee or a beard almost perminantly for the last 8 years, I hardly ever think of myself as having facial hair. I think this is a part of my not owning my height and size. When I go out into the world, I don't see myself as big, rough, and rugged-looking (not that I am), but instead as the small geeky guy in high school and junior high. Back when I was 5'-something and 80 pounds lighter. Back when a classmate said that I looked like a reverse chicken, in that my trunk and legs were thick, but my arms were skinny, and a chicken's trunk and wings are big-ish, but it's legs are skinny. "Reverse chicken" is not high on the list of perceived compliments.

So, nowadays, I actually have to look at myself for a while in the mirror, really try hard to see past the illusion of a frightened boy to the reality of a grown man. It gets easier, especially as I find myself becoming like the man I want to be. And the beard helps.

Cheers,

The Magus

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