Perfunctory Entry #3

2002-06-02 - 4:25 p.m.

A part of being in a relationship means that you no longer have the freedom to do absolutely nothing, especially on a shared weekend.

Maybe I'm just not made for being with people at all. I do crave society, but whenever I get it I just can't wait to get out of it.

Because of poverty, I passed up a social invite for Friday, though poverty did not keep us from getting drunk. Or from me foolishly going out the night before. I am feeling like complete loser.

Which is why this entry is completely lackluster.

Another reason is that spending an entire weekend with your boyfriend doing nothing except being hungover in a really messy apartment does not a happy couple make. He's been moping around, being sullen and quiet and almost-but-not-quite glaring at everything. And when I ask him if he's okay, if everything's alright, he says "I'm fine. Just tired."

So I've stopped asking. Mainly because if he -does- answer the question differently, it'll be a talk about how he feels that maybe he can't trust me to get things done ever. And true or not, fair or not, I've been there and done that, and it is NOT a turn on to listen to someone say they're worried about how things are going, because you never want to leave the house.

I am angry in general, darn it.

Can I blame his mom? His dad? His sex-abusing uncle? High school? Junior High? Society?

I blame everything for my bad mood. Except myself, of course.

Cheers,

The Magus

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